Throughout this journey, the Lord consistently reminds me that circumstances are not reality. Circumstances cannot and do not govern my behavior, my thoughts, or my response to life. My circumstances do not control me or have power over me.

Thank God.

There is so much freedom when we realize that we do not have to be governed by our circumstances! I know that this reality is more difficult to live out than to say, but it is true.

The Bible talks about how, "we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken..." (Heb. 12:28) A book I'm reading says, "When we walk in our royal call (as saints, sons and daughters of God), our behavior is not determined by our temporal environment but by the eternal environment that lies inside us."

It's time for the sons and daughters of God to rise up and push though their circumstances. It's time to show the world that, "we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed..." (2 Cor. 4:8-9)

It doesn't matter what life throws at me, what hell throws at me, what people do to me, how ministry is going, or where I'm at in life. So much freedom comes from knowing that I get to CHOOSE how I RESPOND to these things.

So instead of defeat, I choose the victory Jesus already accomplished for me. Instead of being overwhelmed, I choose the peace that Christ gives. Instead of being conquered, I choose to be more than a conqueror. Instead of believing lies and letting them creep in, I take the authority I have been given and believe truth.

Choosing requires action. It requires assuming the authority I have been given and taking action. We are not helpless, we have been given (or can be given) the fullness of God to fight from a place of victory.

So today and everyday, I function out of the Kingdom within me- from a Kingdom-mindset and perspective that is eternal, unaffected by circumstances. I serve a steadfast God who has given me His Spirit who empowers me to live this out. And oh, the freedom this brings! How glorious it is to live every day this free, no matter what. No matter what.

Last week I had an ordinary day in the camp. Apart from the girls braving driving down alone (Cristianna has mad driving skills!), we went about our day as usual. But the Lord really captivated my attention all day and just filled me with gratefulness for so many things with that community.

As rain poured down on the feeble tent, Court, Cris, and I sat sheltered in our friend Zipporah's home with her three children. She was sick with malaria, and the rest of her family was battling sickness as well. As I watched her make lunch for her family, it was like the Lord smacked me over the head with how honored I am to be here.

I'm honored to be serving Him alongside these people.

I'm honored that they would invite me into their homes and into their lives, and that they have done that from the beginning.

I'm honored that they offer to share food with me in faith, even when they don't know where the next day's meals will come from.

I'm honored that the mothers share their children with us and trust us with them wholeheartedly.

I'm honored that they even give me the time of day as they are struggling so much, when they know I have resources that I don't and can't always just hand out to them.

I'm honored that they continue to trust us and have patience with us to help meet their long-term needs, even though they are in need and don't see us doing lot of tangible things day-to-day.

 

I know I haven't blogged in awhile... I will, I will, I will post consistent blogs, not only with updates about life here in Kenya but also about what God's teaching me. If I say it enough times, maybe it will be true! Or, that I'll discipline myself to do it... 

We are back in Kenya after two months of being away. Did we expect to be gone two months? Nope. Our team's plan was to go home for a month and see our families, support raise, and then have a team debrief in Georgia for a few days before heading back to Kenya mid-January. My situation was a bit different because I planned to spend the month in South Africa where my family met me for a few weeks, and then head back to Kenya.

Well, God changed our plans, as He has a way of doing. Our leadership recently changed, and our team needed longer than the few allocated days to work through some things. As a result, God directed us to spend a month in Georgia. So, instead of getting on a plane from South Africa to Kenya mid-January "as planned," I flew to the US instead.

Time in Georgia was great for our team. We got acquainted with our new leadership and their expectations of us, worked through and settled a lot of things within our team, and now feel more supported and better-equipped to live in Kenya this year. And God knew that we needed this time. It wasn't our plan, but He knew that we needed this all the while.

As we ran the other day, my friend, Jenny, and I were talking about God's plans and how we are constantly called to be uncomfortable. God tends to be in the uncomfortable places with His sleeves rolled up, doing the thing. And He asks us to join Him there. He invites us into the murky places, the unknown where He is all around in the mystery.

And it is in this that we are stretched, refined and experience incredible growth. It is in the discomfort where we find Him and depend on Him most, and experience Him most intimately.

It is in these places where we lose ourselves, and we find Him.

And that's why God calls us to be constantly uncomfortable. It's why He constantly tells me not to plan, or seems to reroute the plans I do make. He beckons me there, but I still have to choose Him. It's the place where He meets me most.

Not much about this journey or God's plans has been comfortable. Our team's "plans" constantly change. Constantly. We have to depend on the Lord. And it hurts. It's painful and stretching sometimes. And it's most definitely uncomfortable.

But I wouldn't trade this life, this following Christ into the uncomfortable for anything. I have greater closeness with Him and know Him more than I ever have. But the crazy thing is, there is so much more!

Click here to read about our team's first week here and updates about what God has been doing in this community.

I am a single someone who has never been in a serious relationship. For some reason this past year, the Lord decided that he was going to teach me more about relationships and make me very aware of the relationships all around me. And so, I have been keener in my observations of these said relationships. Maybe it's because I'm at a point where I'd like to be in one and so my observations have been heightened, or maybe it's because everyone seems to be in a relationship now, or maybe it's because God has a purpose in it. In any case, God has taught me a lot more about His heart, about the ups and downs of relationships, and how it's no easy task to enter into and continue on in one.

I have learned a lot about relationships in 2011.

So the following are tidbits of wisdom that God has taught me this past year about relationships, about myself, and about what to look for in a future someone of some nature. This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but here are a few things:

1.     Communication is so important.

2.     You have to be secure in Christ and your identity in Him and know and love yourself prior to entering a relationship.

3.     Submission is difficult but so good. You constantly have to honor the other person and surrender the selfishness that so often creeps in.

4.     It does no good to try to make something happen. Wait to be pursued, girls. God's got it.

5.     It's a deeper (human) commitment than I will ever know until I know through experience.

6.     It's scary as hell (or at least it seems that way).

7.     Trust is huge. I feel like love and trust are synonymous, or at least should be.

8.     I have to have someone I have fun with but who can also be serious when we need to be serious.

9.     You should be better together than you are apart-both for the Kingdom of God and for being more fully alive.

10. Relationships are a lot of work.

11. But they can be worth it.

Robert Kennedy once said, "There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"

In this New Year full of resolutions and renewed resolve, instead of asking why things are the way they are, let's begin to think of what could be and what should be, dream, and act on those dreams asking, why not?

Why not see the possibilities instead of just the obstacles?

Why not see a child God loves and a future teacher or farmer when we look into young eyes instead of just a hungry child?

Why not see a man full of potential and talents ready to be employed instead of just a beggar on the street?

Why not see the world and its people as ready and waiting to be redeemed instead of one full of poverty, suffering, and despair?

Why not embrace Christ's vision for each of us as individuals with irreplaceable lives to offer the Kingdom of God instead of sitting in fear or apathy saying we have nothing to give?

I have lived in Kenya about half a year now. Out team is away for the holidays to be with our families, but the Lord is already speaking to me about this next season, this coming year.

I know for me personally (and I assume for my team as well) that God is saying that this will be a year of more.

More giving of myself, my time, my money, my talents, and my resources to the Lord.

More of Him. More of Him responding with more of His support, more faith, more power, more presence, more resources.

And more dreams-not just for IDP in Camp Vision but for others in Kenya, in the US and in the world. More impact.

So in this New Year, start off by asking why not? both for yourself and for this world.

Begin to dream big and see the potential and the possibilities.

You can do a whole lot more than you think, trust me.

Let's stop using our inability as an excuse for inaction. 

We have the fullness of God inside of us, the Kingdom of God within us. 

All you have to do is start by offering yourself.

Why not?

Be prepared. This is definitely not a fluffy, everything's-good-in-my-world blog.

There are a lot of things that are just difficult about living in a different place and different culture than the one you grew up in or are used to.

Sometimes I just need to be real about some things that I deal with living here in Kenya. So here's a little bit of insight into what goes on in my head pretty much every day and some of the struggles, burdens, and heartache I experience on a daily basis living here, that are a lot of times, directly related to my skin color...

Sometimes I hate the color of my skin. Sometimes I hate being white and all that is associated with that living here.

I get so frustrated when I am judged in the opposite way almost, because of my skin color. It's like reverse discrimination or something.

It breaks my heart in more than one way when kids follow me. It breaks my heart that they are hungry. But it also breaks my heart that they follow me because I am white and that signals a thought that I must have a lot and will then surely give them something-food, shillings, my watch...

Sometimes my stomach churns when I hear the word, Mazungu, even though I hear it often.

Sometimes I wish we were all color blind. Sometimes I don't like the 'responsibility' that comes with my skin color.

Sometimes I hate all the "good" things that accompany my skin color. Being ushered to the front row at church, being served first at different gatherings, being given nicer accommodations or faster service-all the while feeling trapped, unable to refuse this treatment because of cultural hospitality or the risk of offending people...

Sometimes I feel used here. Sometimes people come (even friends here) and ask for things. Sometimes I get so frustrated when people strike up a conversation with me, with the goal of getting me to do something for them or buy something for them.

And as a relational person, sometimes it's hard to feel like people don't see me or want me for me, they want what I have...

Sometimes, I just can't handle all these things and wish I could fade more into the background here, blend in better. Sometimes I wish I could sit on my front lawn without being approached to purchase tortillas or jewelry...  

Sometimes, I think things can't change, and I want to stop fighting to change them. Sometimes, I just want to be free to hand out things to everyone who asks, to everyone I see in need.

Sometimes, I hate the system, hate that, at times, I contribute to it, and hate that I even think this way. Because ultimately, it's people we are talking about here.

And sometimes, I make it altogether too complicated when Jesus said it's pretty simple. He lived it and outlined it pretty well in His word. Love one another. Serve one another. Honor one another. Love in deed and truth and keep doing these things even when it's hard, even when people use you, hurt you or fail to see you for who you really are...

But all the time, I just need grace--grace in this process, grace for the frustration and burdens, grace for the person involved, grace for me. Grace for life and grace for the moment. Grace for each individual situation. Grace to continue to give of myself and to serve.

And this grace transcends skin color and my frustration and my mistakes. It is this grace that we all, myself especially, don't deserve.

Opposition, my friends, is real.

As sons and daughters of God, we have a real enemy whose intentions are to mess up our lives and to try to mess up who we are becoming and what we are doing in the Kingdom.

Don't believe me? Just read 1 Peter 5:8 or ask me about the last month and a half of my life...

My team and I have experienced some crazy, real opposition.

Apparently, someone doesn't like what we are doing here in Kenya. Someone doesn't like it when we pursue God's dreams. And apparently, there are a lot of ways that that someone can try and mess things up.

If he's not attacking our team directly, he will go for relationships within our team or with those outside our team, trying to divide.

And maybe sometimes the Lord allows the opposition, allows the sifting...

Either way, it's not all bad news...

The Lord gave me this picture last night of a sparrow, breaking free from its cage. The cage was lifted, and the sparrow flew away, free. And that sparrow is me! I am uncaged! I am no longer bound!

No longer bound by all kinds of opposition. No longer bound by my circumstances. No longer bound by what happens to me. No longer bound by what I wish would happen to me...

"For freedom Christ has set us free..." Galatians 5:1

Reuniting is one of my favorite things, especially when it's with friends who live on another continent and are ones you haven't seen in... over a year!

We have been to the camps a handful of times now. But every time my friend, Salome, has not been there. I have gotten to spend time with her girls, but I had yet to see her.